Where can I find a sex therapist?

If you’re based in the UK, you can search for a registered sex therapist on the COSRT register (it’s also a good idea to check if someone shows up on the register if they say on their website that they are registered with that body!). If you’re in the USA, you can look on the AASECT register.

The Pink Therapy Directory is great if you are looking for a therapist who specifies that they work with gender and sexually diverse clients (as not all sex and relationship therapists do).

Pineapple Support offers free and low cost therapy to people working in the online adult industry and you can find a global list of sex-worker friendly therapists that they work with. The majority of their therapists are based in the States, but they also have European and Canadian lists too.

Kink Aware Professionals (KAP) is another resource list if you are seeking a therapist who is specifically competent working with kink.

What should I ask a potential therapist to find out if they’re a good fit for me?

It helps a lot to know what you’re hoping to get help with - is it a physical issue like erectile dysfunction or vaginismus? An emotional one like feeling disconnected from your partner? Or a logistical one like feeling as though you don’t have enough time for each of your partners? Knowing this in advance means that you can look for people who list what you’e looking for help with as a speciality. For example, if you want help with your relationship with your metamour, it would make sense to look for a therapist who is experienced in working with non-monogamy.

You can also ask a potential therapist what their therapeutic approach is as they can vary wildly. A therapist who works primarily with CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) will often work with you in a very structured way, perhaps giving you homework tasks to complete in between your sessions, whilst a psychodynamic therapist is more likely to be the kind of therapist where the relationship feels more one-sided and you might find they don’t speak much.

Finally, don’t be afraid to get in touch with multiple therapists and ask them for a short taster session or an assessment so you can get an idea of what it is like working with them! So much of what you get out of therapy comes down to the unquantifiable connection between the therapist and the client, and you can best get a feel of this through talking to potential therapists and seeing who feels best for you.

Where can I learn more about sex and relationships?

Below are some great resources for learning more about sex, sexual health and relationships:

• Ruby Rare’s Instagram and book - inclusive and informative sex education

• Hannah Witton’s podcast, books and YouTube channel - sex, periods and hormone education

• The Vagina Museum - a bricks and mortar museum in London about gynaecological anatomy and sex education

• DaemonumX’s Instagram and website - zine writer and BDSM and polyam coach

• the Vulva Gallery on Instagram - portraits of vulvas, demonstrating the huge variety of ‘normal’.

• Rukiat on Instagram - award-winning sex educator, often talks about the stigma around STIs

• Afrosexology - sex education with a focus on sexual empowerment and sexual pleasure from a Black, femme perspective

• O.School - medically accurate content focused on sex and dating

• Tina Horn’s writing and podcast - discussing kink, sex work and being queer

• Come Curious’s YouTube channel and podcast - discussing sex frankly and openly and helping break down taboos

• Hey Epiphora - sex toy reviews and information

• Rosa Maxwell - sex, love and relationship coach based in London