Whether you’ve been actively non-monogamous for years, or you’ve just heard about it for the first time, there’s always space to learn more about it. Below is a non-exhaustive list of people, places and resources that I have personally found useful for helping me to navigate non-monogamy.
Books & Zines
A lot of the resources that you’ll probably come across to start with are books - The Ethical Slut, More Than Two and Sex at Dawn are the three most frequently mentioned (More Than Two is now considered a slightly contentious book, not because of the content, but because in 2019 several of the author’s former partners accused him of causing harm - you can read about it here). Whilst books are a great resource, they can also be slightly intimidating if you’re brand new to a topic, and they can also keep things in the realm of the theoretical, rather than the practical or social.
These are the books and writings that I have personally found the most helpful:
The Ethical Slut, by Janet Hardy & Dossie Easton. Currently in its third edition, this is most likely one of the first few resources anyone will recommend to you when you first start learning about non-monogamy (and for good reason!). I always recommend listening to the audiobook version if you can find it - it’s narrated by the authors and you can just hear the love and respect they have for one another!
Polysecure by Jessica Fern. A lot of the older (10 years old +) books and resources on non-monogamy tend to assume that relationships take place between securely attached people who don’t struggle with insecurity or anxiety. This book looks at non-monogamy through the lens of attachment styles which many people may find helpful.
Linked, a (currently out-of-print) zine created by DaemonumX, a kink and polyam educator.
Love Without Emergency, a zine by Clementine Morrigan about trauma, attachment and polyamory.
Speakers & Educators
Perhaps one of the most important and helpful things for me when it comes to learning about non-monogamy is having visible representations of people who identify as non-monogamous. It not only helps to show what non-monogamy can look like, but it also helps to normalise it to others. Sadly, not everyone who is in a non-normative / GSRD relationship is in a position to come out about this to others, so it’s really wonderful to see it and appreciate it when it is possible.
Rachel Wright. Rachel is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in New York, working at the intersection of ‘mental health, sex and relationships’. She’s also openly queer and polyam, often talking about and featuring her three partners on her Instagram.
Ruby Rare. Ruby is a wonderful sex educator who does talks about topics such as non-monogamy, being a slut, sex toys and being bisexual. She’s an ambassador for Brook (and used to work for them) and has also published a book, Sex Ed: A Guide for Adults (which I own and is fab and beautifully illustrated by Sofie Birkin).
Gabrielle Smith, a polyam educator and sex and relationship writer.
Kevin Patterson, author of ‘Love’s Not Colour Blind’, a book exploring race and representation in polyam communities.
Social Media & Art
Finally, this is a similar topic to the speakers and educators section above. Seeing representation of non-monogamy on social media and in art is a much less intense way of learning about non-monogamy than reading a whole book, you can learn about it in a much more bite-size way.
Evita “lavitaloca” Sawyers, creator of ‘today’s polyamory reminder’, a daily lesson or reminder about the ups and downs of non-monogamy.
@polyamorousblackgirl, makes memes and videos about her experience of polyamory.
Kimchi Cuddles, a long-running, semi-autobiographical webcomic about being a queer, non-monogamous person.
@polyamorouswhileasian also makes videos and posts about her lived experiences of non-monogamy
@polyphiliablog is a meme / blog / education page about non-monogamy.
